I decided that I was going to write today.
Today's the day, I thought, because yesterday, I just couldn't force it. Even though it was my first day off in over a week and I actually did have the energy to take my protagonist to all of the places I frequently imagine as I stock grocery shelves with cans of beans, corn and the like. The tap was just...dry. So I gave up, and did my best to reflect for the remainder of the day.
And the day before that, I couldn't even keep my eyes open. God, there have been more days like that lately than I can even count. And so I run and hide from the comforts of the house-- the couch, the bed, the kitchen table that lately have been adequate workplaces for me-- because today they're a little too comfortable. I drive to a nearby coffee shop because today's the day I'm going to write, dammit!
I order my coffee, put down my usual unnecessary pile of crap and stare at the laptop screen.Twenty-five minutes later, I still haven't written a damn thing.
My eyes dart from one end of the room to the other. There are other people working/trying to work. Is no one else hearing this noise?
But she wears short skirts, I wear T-shirts
She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers...
Is this seriously a real song? I google the lyrics. Ah, Taylor Swift. Good to know, I guess. A middle-aged man and his wide arm gestures won't stop yammering at a barista about football. Some guy to my right talks about why he thinks "text messaging is the stupidest thing in the world." A lady behind me asks the same question three different ways before her study partner finally understands what she's asking him. A bell cries out each and every time anyone passes through that door frame. I read and reread the last few sentences I've written, words from days ago, and try my best to regain my bearings.
Yeah, it's been a tough month. National Novel Writing Month has been kicking my butt. As of Friday, I have 7,373 words for the entire month of November, a far cry from the 50,000 word goal. Friends of mine, who are also participating in NaNoWriMo, pump out thousands of words per day. I envy them. In fact, I've been consumed with jealousy as I face hurdles like my burnt out part time job, a naggy mother and a "this is shit, everything I write is shit" attitude that comes and goes, sometimes staying to haunt me for days at a time. My friends keep telling me I'm missing the point. "Just WRITE. Write as much as you can. That's what this program is all about."
It took a few weeks, but I decided that this philosophy, personal wellness and reason also in mind, I need to forget about the monster word counts. I've got another week of NaNoWriMo. I'd like to see 15K by then. If I don't, then whatever. I'll get to 50,000 eventually.
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4 comments:
this, what you wrote just now.
it's good.
sometimes you need to work on something else, something mindless (well not mindless but you know what i mean) to warm up for what you really want to focus on.
blah blah nothing you haven't heard before.
NaNoWriMo is a good idea. but just remember. The creative process is not a neat tidy thing that can be categorized into numbers and efficiency and all that stuff. You have to go at your own pace or it's just going to seem forced. Besides come on this is your first novel, those things take a long long time!! keep going. i bet whatever you've written so far is great. i can't wait to read it.
This is the truth:
1) This is my third NaNo, my 4th novel. Every word I write, I STILL think is shit. You have to really accept that everything you write will be crap during your first draft. Pushing out 1,666 words a day is a lot, but rounding up the balls to write 1,666 words (without deleting all of them and calling them crap) will help you get to what your story is really about. And the more crap you write, the quicker you can get there? That's the wisdom behind it, I spose
2) A detailed outline will help, for next year. It takes away most of the pain of figuring out/getting motivated to write, but also takes lots of advance planning. i've done it with and without (this year without, yowza it sucks). It might not work for your creative mojo, but it's almost neccesary for pumping out 50,000 words in a month
3) NaNo is about doing the impossible. And if you can't do the impossible (50,000 words/month is really unreasonable for MOST writers), then you will at least push yourself to do MORE than you thought you could. That's the value there. Even 7,000 words is a lot, compared to the 0 you would otherwise write!
My laptop just broke, so I'm not even sure I'm going to finish! But we had a good run either way, and will return for next year, older and wiser. Right? :-)
I am always amazed at what you write in your blogs so I can only imagine what you have written in your novel. Art isn't about pumping a product out like a machine--it's about crafting something that you're not always happy with and continually working with it, putting little pieces of yourself into. It's messy because you're messy. Otherwise, it's just not real.
Love you. :)
This blog is a good indication of the level of quality of what you're putting into the novel. I've read a lot of it, and I can assure everyone, it's really, really, really good.
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